The Go To Guy

I am the youngest of three children... three boys. Tom, Sam and me. I am 11 years younger than Tom and 7 years younger than Sam, quite a gap.

I asked my mother once if I was a "slip-up," in her always eloquent way, her response was quick and without the miss of a beat "you are loved." That is all any child needs to hear, slip up or not.

By the time I entered the picture, my brothers already had an active life going, I can just imagine that a baby in the house was the last thing they wanted to endure. Much less a baby as cute and perfect as me!

My brother Tom was killed in a single person car wreck when he was 16, I was 5. I don't remember Tom but know from the stories I have heard that he was a good guy, smart, kind, good athlete, everything a parent could ever want.

After Tom died our family changed a lot, but mama and daddy, along with family and friends, did everything they could to give Sam and I an idyllic childhood. Sam was actively involved in school activities, sports and friends, I was still young and became the one who was sheltered and doted on.

With a seven year age difference, Sam and I didn't have much in common, OK we didn't have ANYTHING in common. I was the brat little brother who cramped his style, I was the one who got way too much attention and special treatment. Sam was the one from whom much was expected.

Naturally, Sam and I didn't get along as children. It wasn't so much that we didn't get along, we just didn't talk to each other or acknowledge each others existence.... typical sibling stuff. We would fight over the color of the sky, nothing was off limits.

Although we weren't "friends" as children, Sam's big brother role was part of his character even from an early age, he was the one who would wake me up early in the morning to see what Santa brought, he was the one who reluctantly drove me to and from school and the one who took up for me, even though he never said anything about it, when I was picked on by the bigger kids.

As the years passed, Sam went away to college and I stayed home to finish elementary school. During those days I began to miss Sam when he wasn't home, but I would never EVER tell him that! When he came home, usually every weekend, with a posse of college friends I would listen intently to the stories of college life, secretly wishing I was there too.

College wasn't Sam's thing, he was much better at the social aspect than he was the academic aspect. It isn't that Sam wasn't smart enough for college, it is just that he had too many other things to do. He needed to get out and make his way in life, Sam is more of a "School of Life" kind of guy than he is a bookworm kind of guy. After a few years of giving college a try, Sam decided to move on and get out into the world.

Sam worked all kinds of jobs and was successful at most of them. Never afraid of hard work, Sam took a job on an oil rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. It was during this time that I finally realized just how much I loved my brother.

In the wee hours of the morning, during the Spring of 1980, daddy woke me to say that Sam had been hurt on the oil rig. They were rushing to Louisiana to be at his side. I would be staying behind at school and they would keep me posted and arrangements would be made for me to stay with friends.

As mama and daddy rushed out the door, I collapsed on the other side and cried, worried for my brother and praying for his safety, in that instant I knew just how much I loved my brother and knew that I couldn't be without him.

The result of the accident was internal bleeding and exploratory surgery to fix the problem. Sam's recovery took several months, but he did recover fully, except for the "stomach disorder" that he, still to this day, regales us all with whenever there is something that needs to be done that he doesn't want to participate in. "I can't wash the dishes, you know I have an "stomach disorder." Oh yeah, how could I forget.... the "stomach disorder."

In 1982 I went away to college, I was much better at the social aspects of college as well, but unlike Sam, I was going to ride that gravy train to its fullest, I didn't want to graduate to the "school of life," I was enjoying college and could have stayed there forever.

During my college years, Sam and I began to grow closer. We could actually have a conversation without one of us, usually me, heaped in the corner crying or tattling on the other to mama or daddy. As I entered my 20's we would just pick on each other, about anything and everything, but it was always done in fun and not meant to hurt.

Something else happened during those years, I began to depend on Sam for advice and guidance, he had the life experiences that helped me make decisions and I looked to him more and more to help me as I began to plan my entry into the real world.

Over the years, Sam has continued to be that "go to" guy for me on many of life's biggest decisions. I trust and value his opinion on most things and I know that he will guide me the best he can. With that said we are still complete opposites.

Sam is, in my words, a right wing wack-job. I am, in his words, a bleeding heart liberal. Our characterizations of each other aren't completely true, and we know that, but it is the basis for what makes our relationship fun today.

From children who couldn't be in the same room with each other, we have evolved. Now we can be in the same room with each other and usually only end up smacking each other with words instead of fist. But all of our battles are done in good-natured debate with respect for the other's opinions.

I don't see Sam as much as I would like to, usually only a couple of times each year. When I do see him, I know that I will have fun, he can make me laugh like nobody else, today we enjoy each other's company and we enjoy getting the other riled up.

Mama has a rule at family gatherings..... no politics, and she starts off each family meal with "now we are not going to talk about politics at the table." She knows as well as we do that she just opens up the challenge when she states the rule, because once it is on the table, we go for it, the battle for political supremacy is on. Before the debate is over, daddy is usually laughing his head off, Sam and I are both red-faced and riled up and mama is sitting there with an exasperated look on her face loving every minute of it.

Sam and I now talk on the phone at least once a week. Our conversations never begin with hello, they usually start something like "Nancy Pelosi is the biggest idiot on the planet" or "Dick Cheney is the anti-Christ." From there, the caller regales the other with the idiocy of the day. We actually agree on more than we disagree on, but this is our way of challenging the other to think more and know what is going on in the world.

Several months ago when I decided to enter the political arena, Sam was so proud of me. He would check in everyday to see how the campaign was going and he created the mantra for my campaign "don't let him out work you and don't let him out tech you." I didn't and I won. Sam was so proud when I told him I won the campaign and I can't think of any other right wing wack-job I would have preferred to have supporting me.

If we aren't arguing about the politics of the day, we are laughing about something mama and daddy have done. (EDITORIAL NOTE: Mama, it is ALWAYS Sam who makes fun of you.... you know that... I would never make fun of my mama or daddy!!!!!)

But more than any political debate or story about our families latest comment, we now talk to each other just to touch base, to see how the other is and what is going on in our lives.

Sam remains my "go to" guy whenever I need advice. He has more life experiences than I will ever have and he has learned lessons from all of them. Sam never got the college degree that I did, but his accomplishments in life are something I continually strive for. He is a wonderful father, successful business owner and one of the most creative marketing professionals I have ever met. His life experiences are more than I ever learned in a school book.

Where Sam got so much from his life experiences, I got the soft heart and wearing your emotions on your sleeve trait. Each Christmas I make sure to get the "Sam and Ken hugging photo." He acts like he hates it, but he knows it is going to happen and he grudgingly wraps his arms around me and fake scowls for the camera. I treasure each one of those pictures and deep down I know he does too.

At the end of all of our phone conversations I end with "I love you." His response is always the same.... yeah. For a kid brother who was a pain in the butt, who got all the attention and grew to idolize his big bro, that is enough, actually it is more than enough. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thanks Sam for putting up with me, for guiding me, protecting me, challenging me and loving me. Thanks for being a role model, I love you!

Yeah.