Geronimo......

It started out innocent enough, a discussion of "Bucket Lists" over Christmas Eve dinner.  Sam, Chelsea, Zachary and me, all had something in common.... skydiving. 
The next thing you know, someone has the great idea that we should all jump together.  Then we started looking at dates and before you knew it, we had all agreed to skydive together during the Summer of 2011.  YIKES!

Truth be told, I think one of us certainly thought we would come to our senses and find the reason that this couldn't happen.... it never did. 

Before you knew it Zachary had made the reservations, Chelsea had taken off work, I had planned a trip to Georgia accompanied by Aunt Beck and we were at the point of no return.

Zack had kept the heat on through the winter and spring, this would be a Rumsey family outing that none of us would ever forget.  We encouraged each other and by the time Aunt Beck and I arrived in Clayton we were all psyched for the big jump.

Now Aunt Beck had no intention of jumping, but she also had no intention of missing out on our jump.  We arrived on Wednesday and scheduled the jump for Friday, July 22nd. 

The focus of Thursday was to convince daddy and Donna to go with us for the jump.  Both of them had been clear, they had no desire to join us, had no desire to see us jump and thought we were all stupid for considering the jump.

Aunt Beck on the other hand made it clear, she couldn't wait to see us jump and if she were 20 years younger she would be jumping with us.

Friday morning arrived, bright and early Sam, Chelsea and Zack picked us up for the drive to our jump site.  Nervous energy was obvious, chit chat and excitement filled the car.

The drive to our jump site was almost 3 hours, we would be stuck in the car for 3 hours taunting each other along the way.

The closer we got to the jump site, the quieter Zack and I got.  We are the most "talkative" of the family and our nerves manifested through our silence.  You would have never known if Sam and Chelsea were nervous as they continued with their enthusiastic banter.

Finally, our car filled with thrill seekers ventured off the main road and into a pasture.  A pasture with a small landing strip, wind sock and metal building.  Gravel driveway, rolling hills and the gentle hum of a single engine airplane completed the scene. 

Once we checked in we began the process of signing our life away.  Basically the documents we signed said we could not hold our hosts responsible for a hang-nail, much less a 10,000 ft fall to our demise!

We watched with excitement the videos of other jumpers and sized up the other jumpers in our vicinity.  Hey that guy over there is at least 70, if he can do it I can do it...right!?!?!?

Two things made me the most nervous and both of them had to do with Sam.  First, my weight.  The website stated loud and clear that if you were over a certain weight you had to pay more to jump.  I knew if I hit that weight limit, my loving brother would never let me forget it.

The second thing that had me nervous was the weather.  The website also said that if the weather were clear and pretty you could extend your jump, from 10,000 feet to 14,500 feet.  I knew Sam would go for the higher limit if possible.

We step up the counter, Sam first, he weighs and I will not say what happened.  Then the rep told him that the weather was beautiful and that was all it took for Sam.... here was the extra $10 to get him up to 14,500. 

I stepped up on the scale and held my breath, hallelujah blessed Mary and Joseph, I was under the weight limit!  (Seriously, I don't know how and I know I wouldn't do it today, so don't judge!)  I think I was so excited about making the weight that I didn't even argue about the extra 4500 feet.

Now it was time to meet the person who would be strapped to my back with my life in their hands.  I had a nice guy, mid-20s who had jumped numerous times in the past.  He was no-nonsense and wasn't really interested in hearing the fears of a fat dude that is old enough to be his dad.

Chelsea, who had flirted with all the instructors, and enjoyed their flirting in return got Woody for her instructor.  Woody was a  super nice guy, about my age who appeared to have enjoyed the 70's A LOT!

Flights were called and Zack and Sam were on the first flight, Chelsea and I on the second.  Nervously waiting for our turn to take to the skies, Chelsea and I enjoyed watching Sam and Zack float to the ground.

Now it was time, we loaded into the plane and prepared for our jump.  The instructors had given us our instructions, the videographer was filming the trip and it was now or never. 

We climbed to our jump level and my instructor moved me to the door.  I was standing in the door of an airplane looking out over 2 miles off the ground and suddenly, every nervous moment I had disappeared, I was ready.

Seconds later, I was falling through the sky at 120 mph and loving every second of it!  We did flips and I have never felt as free in my life. 

After just 75 seconds the free fall was over, my instructor motioned me that we were going up and within seconds we were jerked up into the heavens and now we floated.... floated through the clouds and skies. 

As we floated I could see the beautiful Georgia landscape and then I could see Chelsea floating through the skies as well.

As quickly as it all began, I could now see our landing spot, I could see Sam and Zack and Aunt Beck all cheering us down.

That day I felt alive, it was amazing to face this incredible fear and conquer it.  Sometimes you need to do something that may not be your smartest move in life, but it's just needed... for me skydiving was just that.

I now look at other items on my bucket list and see them as things I WILL do instead of things I would like to do.... big difference.

Friends ask me, would you do it again?  The answer is yes, I would do it again, but I don't HAVE to do it again. 

I'm so happy I did it and even more happy that I did it with my family.... it was a jump I will never forget!

Charmed...

There are certain possessions that we all have in life that mean much more to us than their value.  Items that "in a fire" you would grab. 

Besides Lita, I have a few things I would try to save in case of an emergency.....  the framed baby outfit I wore home from the hospital when I was born, a quilt made from my parents clothes when they were children both of which were Christmas gifts from mama and daddy.

I would try to grab family photos and my "important documents" box, but before any of those other "things" in my life (excluding Lita) I would reach for the charm bracelets.

In my living room, in a special place of honor are two framed charm bracelets, costume jewelry that means more to me than anyone else.  These charm bracelets belonged to mama and ma-ma.

When I was a very young child I used to spend a lot of time with ma-ma and gramps.  We had kind of a routine that included continuous pampering and exploration of my imagination and creative personality. 

Ma-ma was the perfect homemaker, she could bake, cook, clean, sew, garden, arrange flowers, craft, she could do it all and she loved having a little one tugging at her apron strings offering to "help."  I love pulling those apron stings, so we were a perfect pair!

One of my favorite things to do with ma-ma was to have her tell me stories,  stories from the charm bracelet. 

Ma-ma's charm bracelet was gold and from my childhood memory it had what seemed like hundreds of charms.  Each charm held a significance, the sewing machine, the thimble, a head for each child and grandchild, a replica of her brother's Bronze Star, Virginia, Puerto Rico, Florida;  all remembrances of trips taken through the years. 

For a young boy filled with an unquenchable imagination, that bracelet and the stories that were told about each charm could entertain for hours.

Many years later, when ma-ma died, I knew there was one thing I really wanted, I wanted that bracelet.  I hadn't seen it in years and when I mentioned it no one knew where it was. 

Through the days of purging ma-ma's belongings someone found the charm bracelet and gave it to me.  As an adult, it wasn't as impressive as it was when I was a child, you could see some of the charms were missing and it was tarnished, but just seeing that bracelet brought back a flood of memories and times spent with my grandmother that I would never be able to replace. 

Mama's bracelet was different.  Mama's bracelet was silver and only had 5 charms on it... one for daddy, one for Tom, one for Sam, one for me and one for herself.  Four male heads and one female.

On the front of each charm our name and birth date was engraved.  On the back of Tom's was his death date.

Somewhere through the years mama lost her charm bracelet she would mention it from time to time and how much it meant to her. 

One year, when I was about 16, I knew exactly what I wanted to give mama for Christmas.  I had worked all summer and saved some money and knew that this would be the year I was able to give her the special gift.

When we open our Christmas gifts each year, we try and hold one back for the grand finale as we know it is going to be the "special gift" for that year.  This was my first year able to give the "special" gift. 

I planned for weeks, I got mama's gift, I made sure everything was perfect and on Christmas Eve, I proudly put that gift under the tree. 

As we unwrapped the gifts my excitement built and for the first time, this year the excitement really wasn't for what I was receiving, but what I was giving.

When the time finally came and all the gifts but one were opened, I proudly handed mama her beautifully wrapped package.  I sat nervously beside her and as she unwrapped the package, our small family watched in anticipation.

When the package was opened, there it lay a silver charm bracelet, just like the one she had year's before.  Five heads, each engraved, a simple gift that meant more to my mama and I than any expensive gadget could.  To this day, the most special gift I have ever given anyone.

Mama and I both cried.

Through the years mama wore that bracelet everywhere and she made sure not to lose it.  She added three more heads through the years, Donna, Chelsea and Zack. 

When mama passed, there was one thing I wanted.  Before I left Clayton on my way back to Florida after that horrible/wonderful week, I went to mama's jewelry box and collected the charm bracelet.

Not long after I got my grandmother's bracelet, I decided to have it framed.  I lived in Atlanta at the time and had a friend who was a framer, he made sure that it got the attention it deserved and did a beautiful job with the presentation. 

After mama died it took me almost a year to have her bracelet framed.  It hurt too much to think about finalizing it and putting the bracelet behind glass. 

Finally, as the 1 year anniversary of mama's death approached I took it out and went to my local framer.  I carried ma-ma's bracelet with me to show the framer what I wanted. 

Thankfully, the framer saw the importance of this project and gave it his attention and dedication.  We picked out a frame that complimented ma-ma's.  After finally, pulling together the strength to take the bracelet to the framer, I waited with nervous anticipation for it to be completed.

When I got the call that my frame was completed, I went to pick it up with excitement.  When I saw the frame opened, again I cried, just like the first time I saw it opened and just like the first time, I knew my mama was right beside me admiring the bracelet as well.

Today those two bracelets sit in a place of honor in my living room.  On a small table, two pieces of costume jewelry that mean the world to me.

New Year, New Dreams...

When I was younger my dreams were simple, I wanted it all.  I wanted to be rich, I wanted to be famous.  I wanted to star on Broadway, win a Tony award and then make my move to Hollywood and films win my first Oscar for a Supporting Role and then my Second for a Leading Role.

I wanted to travel the world.  Paris, Moscow, Sydney, Barcelona, Rio.  When I was young I wanted to be Brian Boitano.  I wanted to win the Lottery, be obscenely rich and never work a day in my life.

My fantasies and dreams of youth were simple... I wanted it all!  My bet is that many of you shared the same dreams (OK, probably not the Brian Boitano part!) Our dreams of youth were usually self-indulgent and not very practical. 

As I grow older I find that my hopes and dreams are not so much about me anymore, not about "things," or fame or money.  My dreams are more complex, my hopes smaller in scope, I venture to guess that my dreams of youth may have been easier to achieve.

My 2011 Wish list of Dreams.....

1. grace for those I disagree with, to those in need and those who are hurting
2. to continue loving my job
3. health and prosperity for those I love
4. time management skills
5. continue to reconnect with the people who slipped out of my life through the years
6. peace of mind
7. one more family dinner with mama
8. fit into 32" waist jeans
9. more time to spend with my friends
10. a cure for AIDS
11. for Chelsea and Zack to never suffer and always have a life filled with happiness
12. play in the snow
13. learn to scuba dive
14. dive the Great Barrier Reef
15. be able to eat pizza and pasta and burgers and fried foods and not gain weight or damage my health
16. attend the Winter Olympics
17. walk the Red Carpet at the Oscars
18. walk down the beach without a shirt and know I look good
19. play with Lita everyday
20. our Politicians start concentrating more on what is right for our country and not how they can benefit themselves
21. buy a new sofa
22. have something I have written published
23. Sam and Donna to LOVE the empty nest
24. continue to be touched, challenged and ministered to by Pastor Kent and Pastor Jen
25. Georgia Bulldog football to be king again
26. daddy to have peace of mind
27. no world suffering
28. growth in my faith
29. dedicate an hour each day to writing
30. no drama
31. use my elected office for good
32. be there for my friends and family
33. lively political debates with my brother
34. remodel my kitchen
35. laugh every day
36. continued financial responsibility
37. Snookie and the Situation to get a job
38. economic prosperity return to our country
39. be there for my family
40. learn math
41. enjoy biking
42. lose 35 pounds
43. volunteer more
44. worship in a completed sanctuary at my Church
45. own a summer home on top of a mountain in Asheville, NC
46. bipartisanship
47. paint the interior of my house (OK, have it painted)
48. study and grow in The Bible
49. be a dependable friend
50. inspire
51. sing on a Broadway stage
52. the naivete of youth
53. write the story that is in my head
54. don't waste a single moment
55. end every conversation with "I love you"
56. a backyard pool
57. go to the movies more
58. love life
59. hug at least one person every day
60. go on another road trip with Aunt Beck
61. be spontaneous
62. think before I speak
63. be a better person today than yesterday and tomorrow than today
64. swim
65. restart the Friday afternoon front yard gatherings with my neighbors
66. challenge myself physically
67. Simon, Paula and Randy all come back to American Idol as the only judges
68. eat healthy
69. be more patient with little stuff
70. do something I have never done before at least once per month
71. cook
72. realize that being right is not always best
73. trust
74. celebrate small victories
75. do a better job of updating my blog
76. say thank you
77. an end to war
78. praise God daily
79. enjoy life
80. work hard and play hard
81. honor the legacy that has been given me by my parents and brother
82. take weekend trips
83. children no longer suffer
84. honor the attempt
85. go to concerts
86. get my hands in the dirt more working in my yard
87. age gracefully
88. be active in my TAG group
89. learn to say "no" when I should
90. be fair
91. honor the elderly
92. stand up for what I believe in
93. write notes and send them in the mail, not just email
94. get pampered occasionally
95. don't always do it alone, assign responsibilities and expect them to be completed
96. hike
97. talk to daddy every day, talk to Sam at least once a week and talk to Aunt Beck once a week
98. make others feel special
99. live my faith
100. love.

Like I said, the dreams of youth are easier to obtain.  I pray that in 2011 you find happiness, health and prosperity, but most of all I pray you are filled with love.

My Christmas Wish for You.....

Christmas will be different this year.  The first Christmas without the matriarch of my family, the one who taught us the joy of Christmas, the one who still enjoyed a visit from Santa as much as anyone else, even when her youngest child was 45 years old.

This year we will be without mama, definitely a sad marker since her death.  As sad as the "first" Christmas will be,  it also provides us with a challenge to fully celebrate the joy of Christmas the way she taught us since childhood. 

This morning in Church I was swept away by the music of the season, beautiful glorious music celebrating the birth of our Savior.  Suddenly it dawned on me, this will be mama's first year with the angels of heaven celebrating the miracle of that first Christmas.  This year as we set one less place at the table, our family of angels sets one more, what a glorious feast that will be!

This year, not only in December, but through the year, the spirit of Christmas has engulfed me in ways that I have never felt before.  As I think back on the past months, since that day in late February when my life changed, an overwhelming feeling of joy and gratitude fills my soul.

From the friends who selflessly gave their time to clean my house, replant my flower beds and stock my fridge and cabinets while I was away, I see the spirit of giving that we are taught as children, a selfless act that goes with me every day.

Phone calls that came out of the blue, phone calls from friends and family just to let me know they were thinking of me.  In my world, those calls were like the angels of heaven announcing the good news, they were pick-me-ups letting me know that the dark days will pass.

I was taught from an early age that the spirit of Christmas is more about the promise of the new life than it is about gifts, trees and tinsel.  This year, more than any other I have found myself thinking about that "new life." 

A new life that moves forward without my most important influence.  A life that moves forward without my "light."

This year as I think about the sadness that could take over my Christmas season, I have decided to celebrate the lessons I was taught since childhood and the joy that will help me move forward.

I will remember my 5th Christmas.  The year I got a Big Wheel.  The Big Wheel I literally wore the tires off of.  That was the year that Tom and Sam helped their little brother find the freedom of adventure with my own "wheels", a sense of adventure that I still have today as an adult.

This year, I will think back to my 6th Christmas, the year that ma-ma fell down our steps and broke her arm, that was the year that my cousin Melissa and I went out into the woods to build a "garden" in a pie pan to make ma-ma feel better.  That was the year I learned about compassion, I have certainly felt that compassion this year and hope that I have been able to return the favor.

Or my 7th Christmas when Larry McClure showed up to our house and scared a little boy to tears when the Santa "impostor" showed up MUCH earlier than he should have.  This year, I know in my soul that any "impostors" have been removed from my life.  I have found a peace in faith that I never knew before, a faith that carries me not only through darkness but also through the joy of light!

When I was in my early teens we had Christmas a week early, that was because Sam was working on an oil rig that year and would be away from home on Christmas day.  I hated that year and am glad that we never had another Christmas apart.  That was the year that I learned the importance of family, just being in the same room, somehow takes away some of the pressures from the outside world and provides a feeling of warmth that can't be realized elsewhere.

Then there were the years when our family grew.  The years we got Donna, then Chelsea and Zack, these are the years that I learned there is an endless ability to love.  Room for my heart to grow and welcome new people into my life.

We have had more Christmases than I can count that were uneventful, but always filled with laughter and sometimes tears.  We were taught that the Christmas spirit is about family, it is about the laughter, the tears, the togetherness.  No doubt we will find that same spirit under our tree this year as well.

Mama started a tradition years ago when Chelsea and Zack were very young.  Once they got old enough to read they would open up an old "pop-up" book and read the Christmas story to our family.  I hope this year, those same young adults will continue that tradition, knowing that the real meaning of Christmas lies in the words of the story, not in the packages under the tree.

This year, I have seen the spirit of Christmas all year long, in big and small ways, in ways I could never imagine.   Maybe it is because I am getting older and those simple gestures mean more.  Maybe it is because of the loss of mama, or maybe it is because of the lessons I have learned along the way.  The lessons I was taught by my bright star, a mother who taught the best gifts at Christmas are those shared with family. 

My Christmas wish  for each of you is the joy of the season, the light of simple gestures and the creation of memories and traditions that will comfort you into the future.

I wish you peace, I wish you love and I wish you happiness.  With a full heart of gratitude this Christmas I will remember the past, but also look to the future hoping for new memories of the true meaning of Christmas.

Embrace those you love, hold them close and make sure they know just how important they are.  Those people who touch your lives each day, the friend, co-worker, neighbor and family member, share the spirit of the season with them and as we move forward just imagine how great our futures would be if we carried that Christmas spirit year round.

My Christmas wish for you is love, grace and joy.

With love and gratitude, Merry Christmas to you all!

Aunt Beck

We all have one, a favorite Aunt or Uncle, favorite cousin, for me that is my Aunt Beck. 

Aunt Beck is mama's older sister by just a couple of years.  The two of them were very close, which may explain my connection to her.  Aunt Beck turned 80 this month, a milestone worthy of celebration and a milestone worthy of reflection.

In many ways Aunt Beck and I are very similar.  We are the children who flew the coop, moved away from home and settled on the beach.  We connect through the sand between our toes. 

As a child some of my fondest memories were of Aunt Beck's house in the Summer or on Spring Break.  Our family would pile into the stationwagon and take off for a week at the beach, a week at Aunt Beck's house.

Now, the house we were visiting wasn't only Aunt Beck's, Uncle Larry and Melissa lived there too, a dog or hamster was often included in the mix. 

Aunt Beck has lived in Fernandina Beach, Florida for all of her adult life.  She and Uncle Larry moved there not long after they were married. 

For me, Fernandina Beach was paradise, little did I know that until the fancy people found it in the 80's that it really wasn't all the rage until a name change made it Amelia Island.  Mama used to joke with her friends that we had been going to Amelia Island before anyone even knew what Amelia Island was.

Aunt Beck, Uncle Larry and Melissa had a quiet house, everything neat and put away in its place.  That was until the Rumsey clan would arrive with three boys, insatiable appetites and a boisterous energy that was difficult to tame. 

We would visit Aunt Beck a couple of times each year, wreaking havoc on her peaceful existence each time we came. 

Two or three times each year, Aunt Beck, Uncle Larry and Melissa would make their way to God's Country for a visit.  You could almost see the culture shock on their faces when they arrived and soon realized they had left the melodic symphony of the ocean for the hectic chaos found on Old Buncomb Road. 

They usually stayed with Ma- ma  and Gramps when they came, about 30 miles from our house.  I think they probably needed a safe place to retreat to. 

Our visits to Aunt Beck's house were for the beach.  When Aunt Beck and her family came to God's Country it was usually for the visits to those "cute little shops on Main Street." 

Mama and Aunt Beck loved going in and out of the shops on Main Street when she came.  The same shops that mama only occasionally would walk into during the rest of the year would become a magnetic force for mama and Aunt Beck during those visits. 

Aunt Beck has always held a special place in my heart.  Her dry sense of humor, devilish grin and zest for life are what attracts me. 

As I have grown from childhood to adult life, Aunt Beck has become a force in my life.  When I was thinking of moving to Florida, she was one of the people I spoke with. 

My concern was that I wouldn't be able to be home when I "needed" to be there if I lived 12 hours away.  Aunt Beck assured me that if I were to be happy in MY life I needed to follow my dreams and that the rest would take care of itself.  She was right.

Aunt Beck is the person who guided me through my first few holidays away from home, and she was a role model for me to see how you can create a "Florida family" while never forgetting your real family. 

When Aunt Beck married Uncle Larry she .....GASP.... left the Baptist Church and became a Methodist.  During my search for faith, I did the same.  Aunt Beck helped me realize it isn't about the family tradition of a denomination.  It isn't about what faith you grew up in, what it is about is the path of faith you grow into.

After I moved to Florida, Aunt Beck and Uncle Larry continued their visits to God's country.  Melissa was now married with her own children and Aunt Beck and Uncle Larry were now traveling to help take care of Ma-ma and Gramps as they made their long journey to heaven. 

After ma-ma and gramps passed, not long after Uncle Larry's health began to fail and he passed before Christmas just a few years ago.

When it came time for me to make my next visit to God's Country, I asked Aunt Beck if she would like to go with me.  Her house was almost perfectly half way in a 12 hour drive.  Aunt Beck accepted my invitation to ride with me and this began a whole new adventure in our relationship.

I picked her up just off the I95 exit.  Ground rules were set from the very first trip.... meet me at McDonald's just off of 95.  I will drop you off at the same location on the way home.  For the most part that has been our routine for several years now.

The other rule I set was, don't go to sleep and talk to me while we drive.  I can assure you THAT rule has NEVER been broken!

From the time Aunt Beck sits down in the passenger seat until we arrive in God's Country we talk.  We talk about anything and everything.  She kids me and I kid her, she knows that we will stop 2 maybe 3 times tops on the road.  She doesn't complain she just makes sure to take care of everything during these brief stops.

Driving up the road Aunt Beck tells me stories about the good ole days when she and mama were in High School.  How their circle of friends used to congregate at my grandparents house and how Gramps would pile all their friends into his car and take them places.

We have talked about faith and Church news and business more than most people I have ever spoken to.  Sometimes we even talk politics.

Several years ago, after mama's health began to fade Aunt Beck made a comment driving up the road, "Ken, once ma-ma and gramps started getting sick I always made sure I took all the clothes I may need for a visit because you just never know."  In that very instant I knew exactly what she was saying and it was in that instant that I began to prepare myself for the inevitable loss of mama.  Since that trip I always make sure to have "all the clothes I may need" because you just never know.

In February when we knew mama was making her final journey home, I called Aunt Beck at 11AM and told her I would be picking her up at 5, she was ready and in the car.  We didn't talk as much on that trip, I assume for fear that we would both breakdown, but we did talk about the important stuff.

During that final week in Georgia, Aunt Beck was there every step of the way and she was the one who alerted us all that mama was gone..... I think mama planned it that way.

The trip back to Florida after mama passed was difficult, in many ways even harder than the drive up.  On the way back we talked a lot about mama and the week we had just lived through, about mama's service, we talked about daddy and Sam and the grandkids and Donna, we talked about everyone. 

We talked about how hard it would be not to be able to pick up the phone and talk to mama, after all Aunt Beck had been through it already.  We talked about birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and just regular days and how they would be hard.  But we also talked about the memories that we would carry with us, the memories that would make us smile and the memories that would bring a warmth to the heart. 

When Aunt Beck got out of my car that day, I cried, she cried.  There was no way to hold back the tears, they were going to come and we both knew it, the thing I didn't know would happen was that when I got back in my car to finish my drive home I had a strong sense of peace, I reflected on memories and my heart grew warm.  Aunt Beck has a knack for teaching big lessons without ever trying, she did it again on that day.

In June I decided I was going to God's Country for Father's Day.  It was my first visit home since mama passed and when I decided to go I invited Aunt Beck to go, she said yes.  I was dreading the trip and I think she was too, but we both knew one trip had to be the first, so it may as well be now. 

As usual we got into the car and took off.  Since the first time Aunt Beck rode to God's Country with me, she has talked about how pretty the backroads are through Georgia.  I am not the kind of guy who likes the back roads, I want to get on the Interstate and go, she likes to take her time and enjoy the scenery.

On this trip Aunt Beck threw down the ultimate guilt trip.  "I would love to go on those back roads just one more time, this may be my last trip and I sure would love to see that pretty scenery."  I insisted that I was NOT going on the back roads.  For the next three hours I insisted that I wasn't going on the back roads until we reached Statesboro, Ga and she broke me.

I got off the interstate and made my way through Statesboro.  I hadn't been there since I graduated college and thought it would be fun to reminisce for a bit.  We drove into town, I showed her my college dorm and then we got onto the main road that I thought would take us home.

We were now on those back roads that she had longed for, I was going 35 mph and losing my patience, plus I was getting lost.  We drove around in circles for about an hour until we finally got onto the road that we both agreed was the right road for us to be traveling during this excursion into the back roads of Georgia. 

The trip home was about 2 hours longer than it should have been, but we saw cotton fields and antebellum houses.  We saw the Wal-Mart that Aunt Beck and Uncle Larry used to always stop at on their journeys up and down the road.  We reminisced and stepped back in time on those old 2 lane roads through Georgia.

Our visit home was much better than either of us expected, it was a wonderful family visit, it was hard without mama being there but it was our new normal and I am glad Aunt Beck was there to be a part of it.

Aunt Beck has lived 80 years, she has accomplished a lot in that time.  She has kept that devilish grin and dry sense of humor for all these years.  She has nurtured, she has loved and she has taught.  Aunt Beck has become more important to me each and every year, I love her and wish for many more trips together to God's Country.  Although one thing is for sure... she HAS taken her last trip through on the back roads with me driving, that is until she guilts me into it again!

Chelsea

After years of waiting Sam finally called me with the news, Donna was pregnant!  I had been wanting a niece or nephew since I was old enough to know what one was.

Sam and Donna waited until my patience had grown thin to get married and then waited a couple of years to get pregnant.... what was the wait?  Didn't they know that I needed a little bundle of joy in the family?

So finally, the time had come, I was going to have a baby to play with.  It never occurred to me that Sam and Donna would be the parents, all I knew was I was getting a baby.... FINALLY!

The next few months were filled with anticipation, if she were a girl I would groom her to be Miss America, if it was a boy, I would groom him to be President of the United States.....  I was in a state of euphoria planning how I would impact this child's life.

Finally the day arrived, Sam called early in the morning and said Donna was in labor.  I took the day off to be with family at the hospital.  We were all there mama, daddy, Donna's mama and daddy, Donna's sister we paced the floors of Northeast Georgia Medical Center just waiting.

We waited for hours.  I couldn't believe how long it was taking and I felt for Donna for the labor she must be going through.  Later I found out Donna slept through most of the labor after she received her epidural.

When the moment arrived, Sam came out to tell us, "it's a girl."  A girl!  A girl?

Secretly I had wished for a girl, but when the words came out of his mouth I was a bit worried.... what are we supposed to do with a girl?  We are a family of boys, we don't know anything about girls!

But we had one, a girl, Chelsea Leigh Rumsey, born May 8th, 1990.

I quickly learned that Chelsea was not mine, she belonged to her daddy and her grand-daddy.  If two men could ever be wrapped around the small pudgy fingers of a child they were.  This little girl would just look at them both and they would melt....and they still do to this day.

From day one Chelsea was her own person, she makes her own decisions, she stands strong behind her values and she is unwavering in her opinions.

Chelsea is a mix of soft blond beauty and rough and tumble tomboy.  Today she is a statuesque college student who enjoys being in a sorority but also lets me know with no apologies that she can kick my butt.

I didn't get my Miss America, but what I did get was a sweet, funny niece who values her friends and family.  A young lady who has her head on straight and always stands by what is right, not what is popular.  I'll take that over Miss America any day!

Happy Birthday Chelsea, you make your family proud!

Listening

Today I had two friends ask me if I had posted on my blog recently, sadly the answer was no. In all honesty I haven't felt like writing.


Since mama died, the thought of writing anything here has terrified me. She loved this blog and I couldn't wait to share each story with her, now without her being here to read, it just isn't as much fun to write.

But here I go, although I have no idea what I am about to write, let me begin....

Everyone told me that losing a parent would be hard, I never could have imagined just how hard. Mama died on February 21st, today is April 18th and the emotions are still just as raw as they were the moment I knew she was gone.

My faith, my family and my friends have gotten me through this. But not a single moment of a single day has gone by since she passed that I haven't thought of her. I just want to pick up the phone and hear her voice. I want to hear her say she loves me and I want to know that I am going to see her again.

On the outside I seem pretty together, on the inside I am a mess. I go about my day everyday and keep a brave face, but a simple commercial or moment on tv can have me in tears.

The final thing our family did together was celebrate Communion, or the Lord's Supper. It was mama's wish, that someone from the Church come to the house and serve us this blessed meal together. So on Saturday the 20th, a Deacon from mama and daddy's Church came to the house and served us the Lord's meal as a family. Mama was already slowly making her journey home, but we surrounded her bed, as a family, and took part in the Lord's feast, that memory will be with me forever.

My Church serves communion on the first Sunday of each month, I missed it in March because I was busy with my election campaign. (To be honest, I was not in any place emotionally to go to Church and have Communion that week.)

On Maundy Thursday, I was in Church and had to leave the room when Communion was being prepared because I wasn't ready yet.

Last Sunday, we served Communion, the second Sunday of the month because Easter fell on the first. I took Communion and the warmth and love I felt as I took the bread and wine was palpable, I knew my mama was with me. It was emotional, but I got through it.

Easter was tough. Daddy came down for the day and as wonderful as it was to be with him, the empty seat was painful to see.

Daddy and I talk every morning, it is wonderful to hear his voice and we have been there for each other through all of this.

Daddy and I will both celebrate our birthdays on the 28th of this month, another first.

All these first seem like they are difficult, but I imagine the seconds and thirds and fourths are going to be just as hard. Mama was my rock, the person I always knew I could talk to and now she is gone. Now I talk to her in my mind and in my prayers and sometimes I just talk out loud to her, I just wish I could hear her answer.

A couple of weeks ago she did answer, although I had no idea she had until a friend of mine told me. I had an event on the 9th that I was responsible for. About 10 minutes before the event began I was running around getting everything finalized when I got a text from Sam.

The text was a picture of the headstone on mama's grave that had been put in that day. Of course I lost it but regained my composure and kept going with my event.

A few days later I was relaying the story to my friend Beth when she said "you know what that was don't you, that was your mama telling you she was with you." Beth was right, although I don't hear her voice any longer she still communicates to me... I just need to find the new way of listening.

Thinking back on it mama has spoken to me in numerous ways over the last 8 weeks.

When I arrived back in Florida after being with family to find my yard completely made over, my house cleaned beyond spotless, hot chili in the crock pot and a memory garden planted in the back yard. That was mama telling me that she has entrusted me to wonderful friends, a Florida family, who is there for me in good times and bad.

When on a particularly bad day, I called Sam and said I am having a bad day and within 2 minutes he had me laughing, that was mama passing along the love of siblings through us to get through difficult moments.

The night I was sitting on my sofa, deep in thought and feeling lonely, when an acquaintance, a Southern lady, drove up handed me a freshly baked pound cake and departed, that was mama knowing that everything is ok as long as you have a freshly baked pound cake on hand.

When a friend stops by to drop off flowers or neighbors who have suffered their own loss just sit and listen to me, that is mama helping me work through the grief and letting me know that I am not alone.

When Chelsea or Zack text or email me, or when Donna and I talk, that is mama passing along love to a new generation of Rumsey.

Countless cards, letters, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages all acts of love and kindness, the type of grace mama showed to others through her years is being given back to me now in my time of loss.

The rose bushes in the backyard that have been covered in blooms this year, each time I see one I think of mama and feel renewed.

It is comforting to know that mama still speaks to me in these brief moments. Moments of love and grace, now I just find a new way of hearing her.

Promoted to Glory....

As those of you who read this blog regularly know, I love writing, it is an outlet for me.  Today, I hate writing this post.

Mama passed away last Sunday.  After years of fighting for her life, she made the journey to heaven early Sunday morning.  She passed away in her sleep, surrounded by her family.

Over Valentine's Day weekend the entire family gathered in Edgewater, FL not knowing that the end was so near.  Sam took mama and daddy home to Georgia on Sunday, February 14th.  Mama wanted to go home.

Early Monday morning Sam called me and told me I needed to come home.  Within the hour I was on the road.

During the week prior to her passing, my family was all together.  We spent many loving hours together.

We left nothing unsaid and for that I am thankful.  I am thankful that mama did not suffer and she is now home with our Lord.

Sam and I both spoke at mama's funeral.  I have never been more proud of Sam than I was sitting in the Church pew listening to him talk about mama, he was masterful in his words and love for mama and our entire family.

I re-wrote my eulogy twice and finally finished it at 11:30 on Monday night, I lovingly post it below.....

On behalf of Daddy, Sam, Donna, Chelsea, Zack and Aunt Beck, I want to thank you all for being here today.







Several years ago at the funeral of Coretta Scott King, men and women from around the world stood to talk about the legacy of Mrs. King. As the service was nearing an end Former President Bill Clinton stood and walked to the podium, he simply said. Let’s not forget there is a woman in that box and today I want to talk about the woman.






Well, today I want to talk about this woman, Martha Joyce Bellamy Rumsey. Daughter, sister, wife, mother, grand-mother, teacher, role model, lady, friend and Christian.






Most of the people in this room know her simply as Mama, a tough, dedicated woman who fought through more tragedies and struggles than most of us will ever know. Through it all she never lost her zest for life, her passion, she never gave up and she never complained. Up until the day she died mama fought to live, even in her last breaths she was fighting to live.






In a household full of men, mama was a total lady. A southern lady. Supper was on the table every night, meat, two vegetables, biscuits and gravy. Sweet tea was always in the refrigerator, or as mama called it the Frigidaire. Mama ruled with grace, but she also ruled with an iron hand. She was the real boss of the house, she knew it, and we all knew it. The last thing you ever wanted to do was disappoint mama, and in the Rumsey house, we worked hard not to disappoint mama.






She taught us manners and respect. All questions were answered with yes ma’am, no ma’am, yes sir, no sir, we cleaned off the table after every meal and you never walked away from the kitchen without an “I enjoyed it.”






In our house there was one rule. Daddy tattooed it onto our brains….. don’t do anything to embarrass your mama, ever. Think about it…. Don’t do anything to embarrass your mama; it’s a pretty good rule to live by. I don’t think Sam or I ever embarrassed mama…… and that is a badge of honor I will carry forever.






Mama was a role model to my brothers and me…. and to hundreds of students who passed through her classroom doors. Ironically in a household of men, some of mama’s primary life influences were women. Four women shaped my mama through life and helped make her the woman she was.






Mama’s sister Aunt Beck, her big sister, her friend. Aunt Beck has been a major influence in all our lives; she taught mama about life as they grew up and she was the one mama chose to help her make her journey into heaven. Aunt Beck we love you and will always be thankful that you are a vital part of our lives.






When mama and daddy moved to South Georgia, she met Gracie Hudson….no words can describe Gracie other than, she was a character. Gracie was boisterous; she could make mama laugh harder than anyone else could. Gracie became a second sister to mama and for Sam and me a second mother. Gracie died a few years ago and I know she and mama are sitting on the banks of a catfish pond today, cane pole in hand, laughing, loving and remembering their times here on earth.










When we moved to Clayton mama met her best friend, Sara Singleton. Mama and Mrs. Singleton had lives that intertwined. Teachers, Coaches Wives, mothers of boys and coffee lovers. COFFEE LOVERS. For as long as I can remember mama and Mrs. Singleton would meet daily for coffee. 1:30 in the afternoon would find the two of them at the Singleton’s, the Rumsey’s or in later years McDonalds. Mrs. Singleton is my mama’s longest lasting friendship, her best friend; the two of them shared a bond like no other relationship in my mama’s life. Mrs. Singleton, my mama loved you and I know you loved her…. Thank you for always being there for mama.






The fourth woman of influence came along late in Mama’s life. Sam brought her home one day, shy, quiet, reserved. Donna. It took me a while to warm up to Donna, but she knew exactly how to get to mama’s heart. From day one Donna was able to connect with mama. For many years our house had a dark cloud over it, we mourned Tom and as hard as we tried that cloud remained over us….. until Donna came along. Donna gave us a new dimension in our family, a girl…..we didn’t know anything about having a girl in the family but mama thrived on it. Donna made mama happy, she was much more than a daughter in law, as mama told Donna last Thursday, she was the best thing to ever happen to the Rumsey family. And as much as I believe I was the best thing to ever happen to the Rumsey family, if I am honest I have to agree with mama. Donna thank you for bringing joy back to our household.






Sam and I are mama’s boys. In our minds mama was as close to perfect as anyone the good Lord ever created. While truth be told, she wasn’t perfect, she was in our eyes. Mama cooked, cleaned, kept house, taught school, and still had time to spend with us both.






Mama taught us simple lessons….simply. Christmas is for family, Sundays are for Church, Family is the most important thing there is. Mama’s family was her greatest pride and joy. She nurtured us, she made every holiday special, she would call just to say hello, and she made sure that the simple things in a day were important.






As lucky as Sam and I were to have mama, two people were even luckier. They got to have her as a grandmother. Chelsea and Zack; mama’s angels. While being the son of Martha Rumsey had a lot of benefits, imagine what it was like to have her as a grandmother. Mother’s have to say no sometimes, grandmothers don’t. Chelsea and Zack, you dada loved you more than you will ever know. She celebrated every moment of joy you had and hurt when you hurt. Know that your dada will now be your angel, she will watch over you from heaven, just always remember don’t do anything to embarrass your dada and you will be fine.






Over 60 years ago Mama met the man that she would marry and she chose well. Daddy words will never be enough to thank you for what you have done for mama over the years. Life wasn’t always perfect, but you both fought to make it the best it could be. In mama’s final years, daddy was her caretaker; he cooked, he cleaned, he made sure she never missed a medication; he catered to mama’s every need. I honor what my daddy did for mama and hope that I can prove to be half the man he has been through the years.






Not a single day will go by that I won’t miss mama. She lived on her own terms, but she also died on her terms. She had everything planned; she made it easy for us. Last Tuesday mama sat Sam, Daddy and I down to tell us what she wanted for today, I guess you could call it her final lesson plan. Every detail was planned and I pray that we have executed it to her satisfaction.






As hard as death is, the last week has been a wonderful blessing. As a family we have all been together, we have laughed, we have cried, and we have talked about everything. I can safely say that we all had the chance to say evertything that needed to be said. Every I love you was more intentional, hand holds meant more and simple touches will be forever cherished.






I hope for each of you, when the day comes to say good bye to the most important person in your life that you will be as fortunate as we have been with mama’s passing. The Lord blessed us as a family by letting us has Martha Rumsey in our lives, and he blessed us again by taking her without pain, knowing she was loved by us and we were loved by her.






I attend a multi-cultural Church in West Palm Beach, Florida. We have over 60 nationalities represented in our Church. Several years ago one of our members died, a lady from Jamaica who had fought cancer for several years.






I made a comment to a friend from Kenya about how sad it was that she had died. My Kenyan friend said something that I will never forget and today it has more meaning to me than it ever has before.






My Kenyan friend said….. no Kendall, Deborah had not died, she has been promoted to glory.


Promoted to Glory…… promoted to glory!






What a beautiful way to view the passing of a loved one. So today, my mother is not dead, she is Promoted to Glory. On Sunday morning she crossed over to her glorious after life, no longer in pain, with lungs that would never need the help of an artificial device to breathe again.






Mama ran into heaven and into the arms of Tommy. She now sits with the Lord in a huge celebration of a life well lived, enjoying her time with ma-ma, gramps, Pa and me-ma, Uncle Larry, Lloyd, Bubby, Aunt Tenie, Bridget, Vickie and Gracie.






A celebration worthy of a promotion…. A promotion to glory!